I sit here with only my thoughts. I read a quote the other day that said something like if anyone you knew treated you the way you treat yourself. You'd tell them to get lost. We treat ourselves so much worse than anyone else could. Only we know our own weaknesses so well that we play on them.
I'm not treating myself badly tonight but I'm wondering how I ended up sitting in the dark writing this blog. It's quiet here, I can hear traffic off in the far distance. What happened to make me sit quietly and reflect on the day, this past year, my life. I'm trying to find my true purpose, I can't possibly be put on this earth to just feel pain and sadness.
There really has to be something more but what is it? I realize that I've been living in a bubble or a vacuum, I'm out now and it seems I have very few friends that I can talk with about this. How did that happen? I used to have a number of people I could just call, now I have a handful.
Where can I go now that I need to say the most and not be judged for it later. I only know of one place and I can't talk to my "D" about this. I'm sick about this whole thing, I can't even bear to think about what I may have lost and how incredibly awful it feels.
Hopefully in time I can talk to my "D", explain what's going on with my life and then he can make me laugh as usual. I really need some cheering up from my David, that would put a smile on my face.
"Everything you want, also wants you" ~ Jack Canfield