I had another post written from this morning but then I went out to visit teach some friends from my church with my friend Eileen. I had an amazing time laughing and talking about so many different topics. I just really enjoyed getting to know these women more. I feel blessed to have this opportunity to get to know people I might otherwise not get to know.
I just realized something today that really helped me put things into perspective about David, the feelings that David had for me have only been since the late summer of 2011. I've had feelings for him since I was 15 and they only intensified when I realized he had feelings for me. It was just so easy to let go and fall in love with him. I already had feelings for him for 33 years. I guess I can see why that would be difficult for him to understand why I'm having trouble getting over him. Not that he doesn't feel that I have the right to be sad and disappointed, he just doesn't understand I only needed the opportunity to let go and fall in love with him. He really had no idea how much I already felt for him and how easy it was for me to fall for him. The sad thing is yes, it was easy to fall in love with him but not so easy to let go, now I have to pick up the pieces and it won't be easy.
I will get a handle on this, I will figure out how to get through... if I can survive childhood abuse, being treated like no one when I was married and being raped; I can survive this right? I have to say this one seems so much more painful, I've sobbed my heart out and I'm surprised I have a heart left.
There are so many more worse things happening on this planet than my little sad broken heart, I needed to get this into perspective. This is just a small blip in my life, maybe one I needed to make me realize I wasn't born for romantic love but for something greater. Maybe I am here for another reason, maybe I am strong enough to be alone.
Whatever the reason is, I will NEVER be sorry for my time with David, I never felt more cared for, more loved and more happy in my whole life. I lived out a fantasy that most people would never have the opportunity to have. At least I had a dream come true and we are and will always be close. I need to take time to heal and I will get better. He and I will talk and be close in the future and the truth is that absolutely no one knows what the future holds.
"Everything you want, also wants you" ~ Jack Canfield