Being Yourself With Who You Love

 Feels Like Home

Somethin' in your eyes, makes me wanna lose myself
Makes me wanna lose myself, in your arms
There's somethin' in your voice, makes my heart beat fast
Hope this feeling lasts, the rest of my life

If you knew how lonely my life has been
And how long I've been so alone
And if you knew how I wanted someone to come along
And change my life the way you've done

Well, if you knew how much this moment means to me
And how long I've waited for your touch
And if you knew how happy you are making me
I never thought that I'd love anyone so much

 I have been sitting her tonight pondering the many choices I have made in my life... knowing a lot of them were not all that smart.  I can't sit with regrets though, all of the choices I have made up to this point have made me who I am.  That's good right?  Even though I am close to being 50 in a little over a year, I feel like I am a teenager inside.

I have a huge question I would love an answer to, not sure anyone can really explain it to me but let's try.  How can a man share all of his dreams with one woman and then give his love to another woman?   Shouldn't these two go hand in hand?  Isn't true love knowing each other inside out and STILL loving each other?

If you can't be yourself with the person you love, why bother?  I only share my inner dreams and hopes with one man, my best friend.  I got a small text from him the other day and my heart did pitter patters.  Isn't that what love is about?  The little things.

Part of the issue has been that I took a very long time to truly believe I deserved to be loved.  I always thought I had to be remarkable and amazing!!   I just have to be me, simple enough concept.  I love David for him and only him.  Just the thought of him makes me smile, sigh or giggle.

I am trying to be the grown up I know that I should be, the one that says that I want him to be happy even if it isn't with me.  Sometimes I really believe myself and others I wonder if I am being real... Why does my heart have to hurt so much?  Why did I have to fall in love?  Truthfully would I have changed that?  I felt so complete with him over the holidays,  just sitting talking, snuggling in bed... feeling his breath on my cheek.  All the amazing kisses that left me breathless and sighing.

I wouldn't trade those moments for anything, they were real and so wonderful.   They still are to me!


  1. How delightful to feel a teenager in a mature body. Very good feel, I like that anymore.

    1. Awe Jaqueline, I have always felt like a teenager in a woman's body... maybe I need to grow up inside too :)

  2. I hope your heart won't be broken for too long, because life is way too wonderful to spend your lifetime with crying over a person who is able to live without you :) Stay strong :*

    1. Thank you smallnoble... I don't give my heart lightly to anyone, I have really only loved one other man and he disappointed me more than anyone ever has. I will be okay, I have dealt with massive disappointments and came through to the other side.

  3. Mens are Mens.. the truth is i don't belive in love. I've been saying that for such a long time. I don't know why i just thing i can early start belives in fairytalles that in something called 'love'.
    But that's just my opinion.. Anyway, i hope you wil get better soon, even if i know that words will not gonna change anything.
    And yes, of course you deserve everything best <3

    1. Thank you Marta... I still believe in love... those feelings and emotions were and are real. if they weren't real I wouldn't be feeling so much right now. It took me many years to ever let myself love another man after Tony. I don't and won't regret David, he was and is the sweetest part of my life. I might be sad now but I would be much more sad without him in my life. Thank you for you sweet comment :)


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