Memories are always there for me, be they good or bad. I used to always try to rid myself of all the nasty one's. I was sure if I did that I could make my life more manageable. What I've come to find out in the past few years was that I would not be who I am today.
Would I honestly want to trade any of those experiences if it could possibly change who I am today? I like who I am, I'm a kind, thoughtful and understanding woman. I am not judgmental, I might have been if I had not lived my life a certain way. I would have missed out on some awesome experiences.
Everything from the fire, to being abused as a child, to the demoralizing behavior and rape from Andrey; they shaped me into who I am today. Those were awful incidents but I rose above them and I became stronger. Maybe without those experiences I may not be who I am today.
What if I had not gone through those, maybe I never would have had the opportunity to be with David. I would NEVER trade a moment I had with him. David showed me how wonderful, kind and loving a man could really be plus he was a fantasy I had for 33 years, he made so many of my dreams come true.
He was the one I finally came clean with about everything, although he was a bit shocked, he NEVER judged me. Without that, I may never have changed my life around by a 180 degree angle. He centers me now, when I'm sad and I think of trying to hide my emotions, I think of him and I become strong; I don't want to ever disappoint him, I like to make him proud of me.
I change my mind frequently, depending on the moment, if I can handle being in an adult relationship with David since I'm so in love with him; it can be emotionally painful when the feelings are not returned. I always conclude although it can be sad and difficult; being without him would be much worse. So many people cannot understand why I just don't cut him out of my life, the truth is that no one is our relationship but David and me, no one should judge. Only David and I are the ones that can decide about us.
Memories might be bitter and sweet but I am here to say that the sweet completely outweighs the bitter!