I am questioning this as I have a very best friend... David....I know that deep in my heart I could not imagine life without him in it but I see how much strain it is that I put on myself. I love him still, I see how I think and daydream about him. What if we cannot get to the point where we can stay best friends? What if the only way for me to move on is to let go of him?
That just brought tears to my eyes, to think that I could lose him completely. Isn't the truth that I would rather have him in my life in some way, even if it wasn't the way I had hoped? I wonder if this possible...? Really possible or am I living in a dream that will ultimately come crashing down around me, destroying me totally.
I have never had anyone that I have loved so completely that I would rather have them as friends than to not have them at all. Maybe that is the problem, I don't know how to separate my feelings so that I am not sad with us being apart. I know sometimes I feel so sad and disappointed that all my hopes and dreams were taken away with us but the alternative is even more scary and sad, not having him in my life at all would devastate me.
I have people on both sides of the issue, some say we can always remain friends, close friends and others who say it isn't possible if I want to be able to move on. The real question that has yet to be answered, is can the person who falls in love with me or him, handle that he and I would be close friends?
Would this be what tears us apart? Or would our close friendship sustain us no matter what is thrown our way... I have more questions than answers and I am not sure I can ever get the answers without going through the process to find out. I guess what I have to decide is am I willing to take the chance and find out for sure? Or am I too afraid of what pain it could bring?
I am hoping it won't be difficult down the road because I know it could destroy me to not have him in my life right now. He is my cheering section, he makes me laugh and smile more than anyone else. We get each other totally... we truly are soul mates. We want the other to be as happy as they possibly can, even if it is not with us, I love him that much.