So my sister told me she thought I had been crazy to ever think David and I ever could have worked out, she feels some things are better left in the past. She thought I'd held a torch for him for 34 years. Far from it, David was a crush; I never thought for one minute we would have a relationship, that was a daydream fantasy.
I was quite content to just have him in my life as a friend. I never pursued a romance, David did, he opened the door. Of course I took the chance to fulfill a fantasy, why wouldn't I? When we close our hearts and minds to possibilities, we close our minds to love.
Then my oldest daughter told me that David and I could never go back and undo the damage we did to our friendship. She thinks I will be in limbo and never move on, always hoping that he and I will be together.
I would give up that long term fairy tale so that I could just be best friends with David. I don't regret us trying but I miss my friend, he's the only one who seems to center me and help me to stop spinning out of control.
I need that right now, so many things are spinning out of control but I know right now that his son Chris is his focus right, it can be no other way, David is a dad first, last and always. I'll be patient as difficult as that is for me.
I read this quote this morning:
Happiness is when your heart, mind and soul are aligned in action. ~ Ruchira Agrawal
This resonated with me, I know I'm not aligned yet, I'm working on it.
"Everything you want, also wants you" ~ Jack Canfield