I miss the simple things we did, holding hands, walking arm in arm, bear hugs, taking drives around the city, just talking for hours about everything and anything. All of that is possible when he's home for a visit in the future, whenever that is. I lost sight of the fact that we are very close friends and that if I wanted that, I could still have it.
I didn't want to give up the dream or fantasy, I had to though if I wanted to keep him in my life. A few weeks ago I wrote that I regretted being romantic with David, I take that back. It was the happiest time of my life, I was over the moon. I wish that I had handled everything better, by not being so sad...
That's who I am though, I'm an all or nothing kind of girl. I laugh with abandon, I sob with my whole heart and I love with my complete soul. There's nothing part way with me, you never have to wonder. I know it can be difficult to be around me when I'm sad, I even find it hard and I don't have a choice. I have never figured out how to feel less or at least express less. I guess it's just who I am, I'm learning that although it can be challenging to be around me when I'm sad, I don't think I'd want to be one of those people who hides who I am to make other people happy.
I can't wait for day that my David messages me again and we pick up like we never went without talking. We're that close, I'll be there for him and I'll be ready, ready to laugh with him. Just as soon as his son is on more stable ground, which I'm praying for so much.
"Everything you want, also wants you" ~ Jack Canfield